Today in group we watched the 750 pound man. It was really sad it made me not take for granted being skinner. I guess it's good for everyone to get to a place where they can say that they will never go back to being that big. Today I made the official promise to never go back to being big like I was ever. I know that it will be hard and I will hit a lot of bumps in the road but I will not allow myself to get to that weight. Watching that movie makes me remember all the times I would glut my pain away, lying to myself. Telling myself that I loved being so big. It's scary to think what my parents had to go through with me. Watching their son gain weight by the pound and just having to sit on the side lines while I ate and ate. I use to eat 24/7 no matter what happened. When I was happy, sad, angry, or surprised I would turn to food to comfort my dying soul. The last 6 months before I came here I would just eat, sleep and smoke my life away. I use to tell myself that I loved being big. The manipulation I put myself through I would take back though. It's because of this manipulation that shaped how strong and determined I really am. I am a LTWC and I will succeed!

I had a breakthrough today: I figured out that I love myself! It's so weird making that step so soon, but today in session really touched me. I love Jahcobie! Never before in my life have I told myself that I loved myself and today was the day that I moved past that barrier and allowed myself to love me truthfully. I'm going to tell myself everyday how much I love myself. I love myself! I cherish myself! I want to live! I deserve to live! I am happy and will always be happy!